12 July 2009

La Lettre

Hello? hello? are you still there? I'm calling you, Young L. cuz apparently you're not here anymore... i mean... where's the young guy who got easily wasted? the one who didn't care about anything? the one who kept on drinking with his friends until someone puked? the one who wanted to smoke weed but never did it because his junkie friend D. was selfish when he was high?... the one who thought that life was short... the one who wanted to "live fast, die young and be a beautiful corpse"...

I remember you wanted to get a tattoo... you wanted it to say "I'm not afraid to keep on living"... but dude... you never did it... cuz you were afraid, cuz life's frightening, cuz you are, indeed, afraid of living... you're afraid of trying... afraid of telling the truth to all this people that's gonna judge you... or maybe not... either way, you're afraid...

It's been 3 months, almost 4, since you fell in love with A. a free soul, someone who is your complete opposite and yet a reflection of your old self... someone with fears, with problems, but free... free from the chains you're carrying with yourself all the time... with the same desires you had when you were in highschool, with the same crazyness, with the same freedom... and you are destroying that freedom, why? maybe you just can't resist the idea of something bad happening to that beautiful free spirit... maybe you're just afraid... still afraid... always afraid... afraid of what? of losing something? someone? you've never had anything easy and simple... so why are you complaining? you're used to loss... to sadness... stop complaining...

Where's that hymn you sang? "I'm not afraid to keep on living"? ha! now you don't even listen to that song, it makes you feel pity for yourself, you can't stand it... cuz you know everyone's free but you, you're turning into a 40 year-old-cat-lover spinster... but you know you're not like that... you know there's still a guy inside you who takes risks... who loves vodka and vandalism... c'mon... look inside... behind some spiderwebs... there he is... wanting to come out of his darkness... just relax... and please... stop being afraid... i'll take care of you... perfect balance... just relax...

and breathe... just breathe...
Smooth