THE "FINDING YOURSELF" THING

so... we're down to this "finding yourself" conversation -yeah, again- SHE tells me i'm doing something wrong, she's sending HUGE signals but apparently i just don't notice them... i see a lot of "find yourself" signals nowadays...
first of all, Tori, she followed Scarlet's Walk, a Walk all through the Cherokee lands to LA, and back... she had found her roots... and you got no idea on how Scarlet's Walked has marked me... Then, i went to the movies today right? and i watched my blueberry nights... and figure out what was the movie about!? DAMN RIGHT! finding yourself! and it kinda marked me too... so i'm just confused about wot tha fuck am i doing here you know? i just found that i havent found myself... how pathetic... 19 years... and got no idea of what's he doing here... pathetic, people will say...
AVATARS... i guess i've taken too many without knowing about my own self, i've been the old good person, i've been the rebel, i've thought about things a lot, and i've been a real beast, i've been Apollo and Dyonisious, even Persephone or Pandora, i've been a car, a guitar and a piano, i've been red and i've been blue, the thing is that i never gave a chance to my own self to just come out and tell the people who i am, not trying to fit in anyone's bow... so... here we go with the "find yourself" thing... "know yourself" said the big door at the Oracle in Delphos... i guess it's not a bad idea after all... even though it's not as easy as it seems... people is always gathering around you to tell you wot you should be, wot's right for them, wot's right for their God, wot's right for their health... but you know... sometimes, when you think you're kinda part of something you ain't really... so why don't we just stop caring about people? you know, is like when you're on a diet bc you have to give an organ, like a kidney or something to a relative or something like your bro or si... well, you quit smoking, you take a lot of things that will ensure your body so you don't die the day you give the thing to that person.. well, months and months of being this person you are not, because you really want to take a freaking smoke, and you really want to drink a freaking martini... and you dont... cuz you have to take care of your body... then, after months you figure out that your blood type is not O, but B+ and holy shit... it's fucked up you're not compatible... and fuck the world then! if i'm not compatible with a freakin stone i dont care! i dont want to be compatible with anyone you know? i just want to be compatible with the infinity... i want to be compatible with the universal, with my music, with HER music... with all the scents, the tastes and the textures that i feel when i'm writing, when i'm playing...
today i stayed for a while at the piano, it really made me feel good, i played those keys... such a sad song came out, now forgotten...
and i think... i'm really into the "finding myself" thing... Scarlet made a big big walk through the americas... Lizzie did the same in this movie (my blueberry nights), well, i dont have the money, nor the time, nor the americas... but i do have something... i'm planning to take a big walk inside myself, i want to write a diary... maybe one day, writing, i will find myself, it's my last resort... pray for it...
-and then SHE prayed for me... and disappeared just as SHE came...-