Clusterfuck

I'm listening to Patrick Wolf... my Wolf... and I don't know if it's the music... or the situation... but I'm a clusterfuck of emotions... I'm a fucking rollercoaster, and I feel like I'm full of love to give... but I can't give it... because you keen on making me stop, but you don't know... you can't make me stop... because I already started... and I want to give it... and I feel powerless, I feel so small... I feel like it would be better if I just stop feeling... if I try hard... maybe I can do it... maybe someone will want to love me, and I'm afraid I can't return the love... I'm afraid of losing my emotions... and then not being able to love anyone else... but you...
I don't want to leave you, but sometimes I feel like we're playing a game, and I'm losing...
In the end, that's what love means right? it's a dance... I'm dancing... I'm trying to dance... but my partner doesn't feel like doing it... so I fall to the floor... every single time... and this bruises are not healing...
what should I do? I don't know, I don't know anything... I... just... don't...

Give...

There are some, some who give blood
I give love
I give

Soon, before the sun
Before the sun begins to rise
I know that I, I must give
So that I, I can live

- Tori Amos - Give



Do you sometimes feel like you're giving yourself away?
Do you sometimes feel like you were created to give and help people but never take anything?
Do you believe love is not enough because you just don't get a lot of it?
Do you believe you're a bad person because you're trying hard not to love?
Do you believe it's just too hard to let go?
Do you sometimes think you deserve more than that?
well...
I do...



Xo
Smooth

Smile

Love works in mysterious ways...
Sometimes you think you can't find it... but you see... it's there... it's just that you're not looking in the right place... or maybe it is there... but you're not smart enough to see it... cuz sometimes we're just stupid like that you know? but... although... maybe you can find it in an easier way... with people that are just there... in front of you... and this people... they make you smile... so smile... and feel the love

Childhood

Remember when you were a kid? Remember how easy it was to just go day by day without thinking about all that stuff that makes you feel overwhelmed?
For some reason I just can't remember how it was... but I'm sure the children have super powers you know? They have the super power of living day by day, it doesn't matter how shitty it might be, they just cope with it without complaining, because it's new for them...
When we grow up we start filling our hearts and souls with regret, pain, sorrow... they don't know what those things are... they just wake up everyday and make it the best day they can, they play games, they have fun, even when they're by themselves... they don't know what it means to be alone, they have their partners, their toys... and they're so fucking right... because I mean... is there any better company than yourself? They have an inner dialogue that's way richer than ours... they embrace the fact that you don't have to be one way or another but you can be all that you want and dream... it's genius...
Sometimes I wish I could go back to that... I would exchange everything I have to go back to that, the painless existance, the most perfect stage of being a human can experience... INNOCENCE...